Encounters with Strangers on the Upper East Side

Awe is what moves us forward. –Joseph Campbell

This is a field of play. This is a place where I explore the things in this world that amaze and inspire me. Given the dramatic and wondrous nature of this place, I never find myself short of such things. All you have to do is keep your eyes open and you’ll find plenty to wonder at. Well, at least that’s what I find to be true. So far my posts have focused on the fictional characters that I love and draw inspiration from. There are real people in the world who have just as much, if not more, to offer. Despite the fact that I am constantly surrounded by people, most of the time I get stories from the news or on TED. But every now and then I encounter a stranger who simply sits down next to me and shares an amazing story. It helps to be reminded that everyone has a story and most are worth taking the time to listen to.

The other day, I was out with my friend Ryan trying to find a drink to celebrate his birthday. We had heard about a bar on the Upper East Side that was supposed to have inexpensive happy hour martinis. It was Ryan’s birthday so I was humoring him. Martinis are not usually my friends. Anyway, we found the place easily enough but it was 3:00 and it was not going to open until 4:00. Ryan had plans for a birthday dinner and show with Trent, so we could not afford to wait. Instead, we started wandering the streets. For those who don’t know, Manhattan’s Upper East Side is not the best part of town to look for an afternoon cocktail. We‘re of a determined sort, however, so we persevered and found a place called Jacques. Past lunch and before dinner, the place was almost empty.

There was a couple at the bar when we came in, but it was not long before the female left the gentleman alone with his Cognac. Of course that meant he sought out Ryan and I for company. Now, most of the time when I find myself approached at the bar by someone a few drinks beyond me, my impulse is to get them to leave me alone as quickly as possible. This time, however, the circumstances provided the man an opening and Ryan and I found ourselves listening to the man’s life story. It did not take long for him to get our attention.

He did introduce himself, but I have forgotten his name. The rest of the story stuck with me. He was a man in his 60s, dressed in linen pants and a yellow button down shirt. There was a thin bit of grey hair on his head and an intelligent glint in his eye that was not entirely dulled by drink. Having grown up in Alabama, he moved to New York in 1968 after teaching water skiing in New Hampshire for a summer. His first interview in the city was with Esquire Magazine; he got the job. Three days later, or three days after he started, he was on a plane headed to a conference in Puerto Rico. A shy young man from Alabama just starting out, he looks for a place on the plane to sit. The only seats her finds available are next to the CEO, the CFO and the head fashion editor. Fate smiling? Maybe. Then he finds out that the fashion editor is from Alabama, too! What? Crazy.

From there, my new bar friend went on to run GQ Magazine for 20 years. He opened 17 offices around the world and started 20 magazines. He was there when Ralph Lauren got started and became famous; of course they were friends. Amazing. And he buried 9 staff members to AIDS during the 70s and 80s. Sad. We’ll just say he was a man with an interesting perspective on fashion, New York, business, success, life, etc.

Now, he and his wife have been unemployed for six months and cannot find jobs. This means they have to sell their apartment at 94th and Park Avenue with its 300-square-foot terrace that looks out over the East River and has a pond with statues and a reproducing turtle population. He didn’t get married until he was 49, so I imagine that’s why he didn’t mention children (though he did mention a nephew that works in the White House). Instead, he mentioned 6 rabbits that have the run of his place. He and his wife volunteer for the animal shelter on 110th where Ryan and Trent got Gatsby the Cat last year. He wanted Ryan and I to volunteer our time as well, to come by and walk dogs and play with cats and such. We were all for it. Too bad I don’t know anyone who could afford to take his apartment off his hands. He says it costs him $6000 a month just to wake up. Wow. Still, I picture he and his wife selling their apartment in the city to retire to some beach house in the Hamptons, or maybe Paris.

A fascinating and amazing story, even if delivered with a slight slur and distinctive odor. Of course, as most people do, he had words of wisdom to impart to us: the next generation. He seemed most worried about the danger of us spending our entire lives doing the same thing every day. It’s the most common mistake he has seen people make and he was adamant that we avoid such a trap. A worthy admonition, but not my favorite piece of his advice, nor his. What he kept coming back to and repeating was that we should surround ourselves with people who are smarter than we are. We should endeavor to go to bed every day smarter than we were when we woke up. And he told us that this is the best city in the country for doing just that. I love it. Everyone should be given this kind of advice, challenged to push their limits. Consider this post my way of paying it forward.

According to WorldAtlas.com , New York City has the world’s fifth largest population: 16.6 million people. I know I have a pretty serious ego, but even with a genius-level IQ, how many thousands of them out there are smarter than I am? Meeting this guy just made me anxious to meet all of them. I need to figure out how to find them and make sure I don’t mistakenly block them out or blow them off. Hopefully I don’t need to spend more time drinking martinis on the Upper East Side. Not the way I usually like to spend my Tuesday afternoons. But it is good to be reminded that they are out there, waiting to be discovered. I just have to be brave enough to find them and invite them to share stories with me. I certainly went to bed smarter than I woke up that day. May we all live lives that are full of such days!

New York in the Rain