Flying low through the mountains, Gideon allowed the tops of the pine trees to tickle the undersides of his wings. With only the barest sliver of a moon hanging low, the stars held dominion in the sky and the valleys slept in deep darkness. On the peaks shone a glimmering silver snow that defeated the pitch black. Gideon’s golden scales also shimmered softly. The smaller forest creatures scurried for cover when they saw his massive form gliding above them. He was not bothered because he was not hunting. He was playing.
The black night made it easy for Gideon to pick out a small fire set high on a rock face. He was familiar with the mountain passes and knew the fire to be out of place. The glaring beacon caught his attention and held it. Even from a distance, Gideon was able to discern some useful things about it: not natural, not the effect of a lightning strike and not spreading as a forest fire. Nor did he smell burning pine. Also, it was not large enough to be a tribal bonfire.
Someone had to be tending it. Most likely only one person, no doubt trying to keep warm. Yet even this last observation was troublesome because Gideon knew the crag on which this fire burned and it was not a place many humans could reach. One alone would either have to be very brave or else very foolhardy. Why would someone try on this near moonless night?
Intrigued, he changed course to investigate.
Gideon was still a good distance off when he spotted the young girl standing within the circle of light thrown by the fire. As the unusual nature of the scene increased, so did his interest. As a thousand-year-old dragon, Gideon did not really believe in normalcy, but this girl was definitely a curiosity and those were sometimes hard to come by. He landed on an outcropping some distance above the girl’s ledge to observe without disturbing her.
She seemed very small to his eyes, but he knew he could not accurately estimate a human’s age. The fierce winds raging against the high peaks blew her bright red hair wildly. Gideon was briefly mesmerized by the way the tresses caught the firelight in snatches. Her hair was the only part of her which moved. She was strangely still and Gideon had to adjust his estimate of her age. None of the younger humans could be so still for so long.
Her gaze was fixed on the fire. It took him awhile to notice that her lips were moving. She was either talking to herself, or to the fire. Gideon clicked a sharp talon against the rock as he considered what to do.
Introducing himself would not be easy. She was on a precarious precipice. It might not hold his weight. And he might terrify the crazy little thing if he attempted to land next to her. Not generally the best way to strike up a conversation. Shifting into his human form seemed the only solution, but then he would still have the problem of reaching the ledge. Better to climb up or down? He might have found the problem bothersome enough to forget had it not occurred to him this girl had managed to get there. If nothing else he wanted to know how she had done it.
The great gold dragon got as close to the ledge as he could before shifting. The magic he used to transform himself also allowed him to design his garments. He chose sturdy leather boots, a loose tunic and plain brown pants – typical clothes for the time.
Still rather large, he maintained a strength and agility that made the climb down easy. He also managed to be stealthy about it and the girl was so absorbed in her own thoughts she was oblivious to him. Gideon stood at the edge of her circle of light briefly. Finally level with her, he could see her clearly for the first time and her beauty struck him. He had been mistaken. This was not a human at all. She was a shapeshifter, like himself, but not a dragon.
Introducing oneself to a Powerful One was tricky. Most were guarded and defensive at the best of times, not generally appreciative of revealing themselves without forewarning. Intermediaries were usually a good idea. Yet Gideon could not turn himself away. He was close enough now to catch pieces of her murmurings. They were definitely directed at the fire.
“I am not afraid of you… I can just walk to you and let myself burn… I fear no pain… I stand on the edge because I choose to… Fear does not control me… The pain you would inflict does not affect my courage…”
The fire. A phoenix. Gideon suddenly saw all the telltale markers. Her fiery hair, the gold eyes, the blushing skin, a certain inner radiance… It was her simple dress that had thrown him. She was in similar clothing to what he had chosen. All the phoenixes he had known in the past tended to wear flashier styles. All had been spectacularly beautiful, as this girl was. Still there was something different about her. He knew whatever it was seemed to already be seeping under his normally tough and scaly hide. He tried to tell himself to walk away before it was too late, but the fragility of this powerful creature was too fascinating to deny. It was not often one found an immortal who appeared frightened and small. He needed to understand her and what she was doing on this ledge speaking to the flames.
Stepping forward into the light, he saw the girl’s eyes lift and widen. Gideon remembered his human form was imposing. Had he been standing next to her, she would have been eye level with his chest and her legs were the size of his arms. Add in his dark skin, hair and eyes and she probably thought him a demon.
Epic fail at not frightening her, he chastised himself.
He kept his distance and waited for the shock to wear off before he spoke, “My name is Gideon.” He took it for a good sign she did not scream and run off into the night. “Are you alright?” he asked softly, hoping to appear friendly and gentle.
The girl did not seem to appreciate being interrupted. She eyed him warily and her voice shook when she asked, “How did you get here?”
Gideon smiled. “I flew, just like you did.” When she flinched, he realized he still had sizeable teeth. He was going to have to try harder to put her at ease.
“Have you been watching me?” she asked.
He hesitated to answer, doubting the truth would gain him her trust. “Yes…” he said, and then added quickly, “I had to be sure of you before I introduced myself.”
Surprisingly, she laughed, “And are you sure of me?”
Gideon could not help but smile this time, “Not entirely, but I am not afraid of you.”
“Afraid of me? Why should you have been afraid of me?”
“I thought you were human at first. I’ve had a volatile relationship with humans. But you are not human.” That does not mean we will have an easy time, Powerful One.
Her golden eyes narrowed, cautious again, “You saw me arrive here?”
“No.” Seeing she needed him to explain, he added, “You are a shapeshifter, as I am. We have the sense to recognize each other. And I have been around long enough to know a phoenix when I see one, whatever your current form.”
“But you are not a phoenix,” she said, her tone suggesting this was a question.
“No,” he assured her.
“What are you?”
“A rather rude question when you have not even bothered to give me your name in return for mine.” Gideon was outwardly polite and courteous. At the same time he was scrutinizing every aspect of her to gather information. Her hair was still flying about her head in fiery waves and her gold eyes reflected the burning flames. She had a radiant light surrounding her. It was not a reflection of the fire. The grace of the immortals was strong in her, but she was hunched forward and hugging herself tightly – a mass of contradictions to puzzle over.
“Amara,” she answered.
“Mmmmm… That means unfading and eternal beauty.” He crossed the sandstone ledge to the other side of the fire so he could stand closer to her. “Well chosen for a phoenix, especially one as lovely as yourself.” He knew flattery to be an effective tool in making someone more congenial and he watched her relax slightly. Are you flirting with her now? he asked himself.
Even among his fellow dragons, Gideon was known for his ability to see hidden truths. He found the longer he lived the clearer it became. This was not true of all dragons, though it was more common to the gold dragons, like himself. Something about his vision made him strangely vulnerable to extraordinary beauty as well. He was wise enough to find beauty in the smallest things, but when confronted with magnificence, he could be entranced easily.
And this creature was not even trying. Well aware of this weakness in himself, Gideon was attempting to hold himself in check. Then she moved slightly to close the remaining distance between them and let her arms fall. He took a deep breath to steady himself; her scent filled him and made things worse. It had been a mistake to come this close to her.
Looking up into his eyes, she asked softly, “What does Gideon mean?”
He swallowed and composed himself before speaking. “In one of the human languages it means mighty warrior.”
“And are you?” Amara asked; her smile seemed to be a type of offering.
Gideon was pleased by her interest. She was flirting with him now and the simple pleasure of inspiring a smile on her beautiful face was enjoyable. He took a moment to relish it, uncertain if it would last. “I was. I have been many things. And to answer your question, I am a dragon.” His revelation was a test. He waited for her reaction.
“What kind?” She shrank back and moved a few steps away.
Knowing the effect his admission might have, Gideon paused, “A gold chthonian.”
Amara’s eyes widened and she spoke in a terrified whisper, “One of the emissaries of the Underworld.”
“Yes,” he confirmed calmly. He could only wait for her to decide how she was going to respond. There was no way to sugarcoat his dark origins.
The fire crackled and spit. Amara cast an odd look at the flames. She shuffled back and forth and finally said, “I did not realize there were gold dragons from the Underworld.”
Did he detect a note of guarded interest in her voice? He hoped so.
Encouraged, he spoke, keeping his tone level, “We are not common. Then again, gold dragons from anywhere are not common. The alchemists saw to that.” He stopped himself from saying more. Was he trying to impress this girl? He growled under his breath for losing focus.
“Because they created the gold dragons, right?” Amara watched his face closely as she revealed to him her knowledge as he had done with her. “It was their magics which brought your race to life and graced it with immortality.” More softly she added, “But it was a mistake they tried to undo.”
Wary, he regained his focus. “That is well guarded knowledge, Amara. You must be older than I estimated.”
Amara blanched as she stepped further away. He could see fear and shame in her eyes, both echoed in her voice when she spoke, “The years are meaningless for a phoenix. It is the transformations that count.”
Gideon paused. She had made a profound observation. There was wisdom in the girl after all. “How many times have you resurrected?”
“None.”
Gideon stared at her in stunned silence. He had never known a phoenix untested by fire. Truly fascinated now, he moved a step closer to her involuntarily. She had age and wisdom and innocence. The contradictions continued to amass. An extraordinary enigma.
Amara began talking nervously, “I cannot do it. I stand here looking at this fire and cannot step into it. I know in my mind I will not perish. I will die and be reborn. But I am still terrified and cannot move forward.” Her arms went back around herself and she hugged her form tightly in an unconsciously protective gesture.
“I see,” Gideon nodded. Still distracted by his own thoughts, he was not really listening. He was aware of a sudden protective instinct awakening within. But why? What was there to shield an immortal from? The only answer was: fear.
“Do you? Do you really? Do you see what it means to be a phoenix who will not catch fire? An immortal without faith in eternity?” her voice raised with each of her questions.
“Faith, by its nature, is constantly tested. What you need is knowledge.” But should I give it to you? he wondered. He needed to consider what to do next carefully.
“I would take either one at this point.” Her voice broke in desperation and Gideon impulsively reached out a hand to her. She hesitated before gripping it tightly in her own, as if he alone could save her from her fate.
Gideon could not ignore the call for help. “Knowledge comes from experience.” He paused. “I can help you. Let us sit by the fire together and talk.” He sat down on the rock and pulled her next to him.
At first, Gideon told Amara stories from his past. He made her laugh until she couldn’t breathe and knew the rest would come easily. Part of his mind was distracted by her physical proximity. He was aware this kind of closeness was only possible for them in their current forms.
For shapeshifters, it was important to remember what form would best serve the purpose. Form and function were interrelated. On this occasion he had chosen the human form, like her, to make her more comfortable. What it meant now was that certain avenues were open to them – the current forms allowed for this intimacy. He could put an arm around her, feel her breath against his skin, feel the vibration of her laughter, see her smile and watch the light dance in her eyes.
The more stories he told her, the more he saw in her eyes. She was analyzing and integrating it all, soaking in the knowledge of him. He told her stories about his warrior days and how he had come to leave them behind. There were stories of travel and adventure and friends and lovers. And then eventually, she began to offer her own stories in return. She made him laugh and he held her tighter. It was easy, reciprocal.
Somewhere in the coldest part of the night, Amara grew quiet. Gideon softened his voice and kept talking until he felt her breathing deepen and slow. Her head was in his lap and he stroked her hair, allowing his thoughts to progress down paths he had not considered in some time. He knew he needed to be clear in his purpose. A good deal of his interest was in her transformation. He wanted to watch the process and see her go through it for the first time. There really was no point in becoming attached to her. Everything could change when she passed through the fire. The nature of the change would depend on her intention, and perhaps his as well.
The thought pulled him up short. He was in dangerous waters. Not only did he need to know how much creative power he had, but how and when to use it. Such a task was not to be undertaken lightly. Attempting to manipulate the outcome of Amara’s first resurrection was not something he wanted to do, no matter how tempting.
It was the shadow side of power whispering he should control the result and get what he wanted. He knew pushing her to undergo the change right now was risky. He could lose her. But sometimes you had to settle for one night; sometimes it had to be enough. He was old enough to know that. The bond they were forging could be complicated anyway. Having similar forms did not mean they were the same. He was a creature of the Underworld, she the sky.
***
When Amara awoke the sun was just peeking over the mountains. Streaks of yellow, orange and gold set the morning clouds on fire, gilding the edges. Gideon stood quietly by the ledge, looking out over the precipice meditating. He hoped she would not disturb him. He was searching for the strength to do what had to be done. He could see the moment coming, but the night spent with Amara in his arms had only served to intensify his feelings and cement his attachment to her, despite his misgivings. He would have to find the selflessness necessary to commit the act. That required letting go of his ego and expectations and desires. There was no telling if she would forgive him for his actions later. He had to find his center and go from there. He needed to prepare her for the ordeal and help her to claim her power. He was now only an observer and guide. The future was uncertain.
“Visita interior terrae rectificando invenies operae lapidem.”
He was not looking at her yet he sensed her start. His voice sounded different to his ears and his manner had to be distant now. The words were for him as well as for her.
She moved to stand beside him. “What does that mean?” she asked.
“Go down into the bowels of the earth, by distillation you will find the stone for the work.” He kept his voice level and instructive. He was the teacher now. All else would wait. Amara did not respond. She waited for him to continue. “The alchemists believe that is the first step on the path to gold, the ultimate state of being, their path to immortality, which you and I are granted by grace.” He felt her body go rigid next to him, but she remained silent, listening. “Some think the idea is to mine the depths of the earth for the legendary philosopher’s stone. They believe it has the ability to turn metal to gold and produce the Elixir of Life. The more scientific alchemists design formulas in attempts to create the stone, believing the creative process to be the key. But the philosopher alchemists see the stone as a metaphor. They believe at the core of every being with a soul there is an eternal seed, an indestructible and infinite aspect which is the key to the work. They call it the Prima Materia.”
Gideon was intentionally creating an objective distance between them. He was equipping her with the necessary tools. She needed to be focused on her task. Deep down, he could feel the desire to bridge the distance between them already building again. He wanted to reach out and take her hand, feel its warmth against his skin. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and refocused himself. One must come before the other. There was a proper order here.
“As a chthonian dragon you must be uniquely positioned to observe these various approaches.” She had matched his tone, becoming distant with him as well.
“Yes. As a phoenix you will be, too. We are the guardians of eternal secrets. I have watched generations of mankind struggle with attachment to physical forms and their fears of death. I said grace had granted us immortality, but the truth is, it is granted to all who can perceive it. Fear of death clouds the vision. One need only lift the veil to understand.”
“How does one lift the veil?”
“By experiencing death. Undergoing the transformation. Letting go of the fear that this life is all there is. By realizing your own eternal nature. Gaining the knowledge.”
Amara crossed her arms, “Easy for you to say. You have lived with the secrets of death and transformation for centuries. You are one of the guardians of the Underworld. All you know is death.”
Gideon controlled a sudden flare of temper. He accepted her reaction. It was partially his doing. “I know death, that is different. And as I said, knowledge dispels fear. You speak of nothing but fear. Fear of change. Fear of pain. Fear of destruction.” He dared to look at her. “You know your nature defends you against them, yet you let fear cage you. Don’t let anything or anyone cage you.” The frustration was evident in his voice now. “You must stop, Amara.”
“I do not know how.” Her face flushed with shame.
Gideon turned to face her fully, but he had to force himself to keep his hands away. He wanted to shake her and remind her she was strong. “The answers will not be revealed standing here staring into a fire. The fire, or calcinatio as the alchemists call it, is merely a tool. It does not control the nature of the act. We are creatures of fire, both creative and destructive. You must learn those forces do not exist in opposition to each other, but are reciprocal. And I know you have already experienced reciprocity because I showed it to you.”
Silence fell between them. Gideon was thinking about the night before and the easy affection they had enjoyed. He began to wonder if he had become another obstacle for her. If she were getting too attached to him, she could hold herself back to protect their connection. Do not let me cage you, Amara. I know too well how tempting it is. He also knew the destructive influence fear could have on her transformation. She had to release it all.
“I can see you are getting impatient with me. You want the intimacy and friendship we found together last night,” he said. “But even in sleep we change and awaken someone else. Life is cyclical. We do not get to escape that simply because we are immortals. Change is the nature of every living thing. You cannot avoid transformation any more than you can avoid breathing.”
Her expression was tight, as if she might be fighting tears. “And yet change does not always come so easily. I have seen resurrections. I know what is meant to happen. But I have also seen too many of my kin step forward unprepared. Their transformations are superficial and meaningless.”
“You are not really in a position to judge,” he told her.
Glaring at him, Amara’s posture strengthened and she stepped closer. “I’ve spent a great deal of time in this form,” she said, motioning to her human body. “A phoenix who doesn’t resurrect is seen as a bit of an outcast, so I’ve sought the company of humans. I’ve been to their temples and seen the frightening guardians they place outside the doorways to keep the uninitiated out. You can walk past them easily, but the uninitiated effectively remain without. They do not pass into the sacred space and so do not experience the divine quickening. That is what I am trying to avoid. The ones who step lightly into the fire, come out the same. They’ve done none of the work.”
“So you do the work and stay out of the temple?”
She paused as if considering his words. “Yes. I suppose you could put it that way.”
Gideon smiled warmly at her, watching her reaching for readiness. “It’s time to go inside the temple, Amara. It’s time to find the stone for the work. You’ve come this far. You’re right on the edge.” He motioned out into the blue sky.
“I have been here before.”
“This time you have me to help you. I do not think I would be here if you were not ready.”
“How can you help me?”
Gideon was encouraged that she was becoming less frightened. “I am an agent of death. The death of an old way, a pattern that no longer fits. Life and death are not in conflict. We are uniquely designed to understand this. And I mean you and I, not myself and my fellow chthonian. This is going to happen. You would be best served to release your fear surrounding it and stop acting against your own nature.” He took a breath, wondering if he was being too harsh. “Have you seen the symbol they call the yin yang?”
“Yes.”
“It describes how seemingly contrary forces, what appear to be polar opposites, are interconnected and interdependent. They give rise to each other in turn. Opposites only exist in relation to each other. Though they are opposing, they are not in opposition to one another. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“The forces of life and death are closely interwoven. The chthonian dragons are masters of these forces. It is that power which makes us frightening. People fear us because all they can see is the sudden, violent, irresistible strength lashing out at those physical forms they are so attached to. They bury us underground, call them earthly secrets, make us loathsome monsters. But you have seen the warm and loving aspect as well. You’ve felt the embrace and desired closeness, even knowing my nature. You overcame your fear. You are ready.”
“To die?”
“To transform!”
Gideon could see the moment coming. She was still stalling, but her arguments were losing steam. He knew her weak procrastinations would not last. Time was running short.
On impulse, he grabbed her by the shoulders and he knew the intensity of his gaze would convey his earnestness. “This flesh is passing. Its desires. Its scars. Its pain. Release your attachment. Focus on the place within you where there is joy and the joy will burn out the pain.”
She stared at him for a long time. Then she turned and looked at the fire, recognizing her moment. “And now you would have me sacrifice myself to the fire.”
“It is a sacrifice to accept anything less than glory.”
Amara stepped away. She stood straight and proud before him. “I have glory.” In a flash of white flame, she shifted to her natural form and took flight.
Gideon watched her. He took in the long crimson and gold plumes of feathers flowing around her, reminding him of what it had been like to watch her hair blowing in the wind. An ethereal light surrounded her and she looked like flames blazing in the sky. She was magnificent. He felt a painful sadness, knowing what he was about to do. He knew why destiny had called him to this place with the light of her fire. The time had come to step up and become a tool of transformation.
Knowing she would resurrect did not ease the pain of losing her. Uncertain of her heart or intent, Gideon could not predict the nature of the act or what she would become.
Gideon transformed himself into the proud gold dragon. His wingspan could shelter a herd of deer. He took to the sky. Circling Amara easily, they began dancing in great spirals, reveling in being back in their natural forms. He enjoyed the feel of the cool, mountain air against his wings. They soared to great heights and then relished long free falls through the sky.
Beyond words, it was a silent communication between them that led them to land on the ground again at the same time. Gideon was back on his large outcropping above the ledge and Amara had settled in the top of a tree opposite him. He watched her in stillness for several moments before he took a deep, shuddering breath. Amara motioned with her wing, a sign of acquiescence and surrender.
Gideon exhaled an inferno. It incinerated her and the tree instantly.
Now you have glory, he thought to himself, even as his massive heart broke at the sight of her ashes falling to the ground below.
Nine days later, Gideon was back in his human form sitting next to another fire on the same ledge. Waiting.
It was dawn when he heard the call. Her proud, clear song echoed out across the peaks and he squinted into the eastern sky until he saw the dancing flames flying towards him. Shining and glorious, she was even more magnificent than she had been before. Gideon did not think the tears in his eyes were a reaction to the harsh glare of light.
The radiant phoenix flew directly to the ledge where he stood with astonishing speed. The winged beauty stopped and hovered above him, still in the air, taking a moment to look at him and let him look at her in all her new splendor. Gideon wondered if he should fear her, then she shifted back into her human form in mid flight and allowed herself to fall into his arms. The trust inherent in the act was all he needed.
It was not necessary. She could have landed without harm. He knew that. But she had wanted him to catch her. It was an act of grace to make him part of the process, for his touch to be first she felt in her new form.
A Powerful One indeed, he thought. He was stunned by the changes in her as well as what remained from before. Physically, she looked much the same, though she had designed new garments. Now she was wearing a jeweled gown covered in amber and rubies and carnelians. They caught the morning light and made her look as if she was still on fire. There was no mistaking the new intensity of light and energy radiating from her. No more shrinking. No more defenses. She was open and free and without fear.
His voice broke slightly when he said, “Tell me.”
A brilliant smile broke across her face. It was like a ray of sunlight breaking through clouds. “You were right about the joy. The pain was excruciating, but I focused on joy and thought of you and the pain was extinguished. I was not afraid. I died to my flesh and was born into my spirit. I connected with the consciousness and life. It transcended my physical body. The vehicle was dead, but the consciousness able to perceive revelation remained.” Her fingers traced his cheek. “I understood the nature of soul and eternity, the spirit, the radiant manifestation shining in all things.” Her eyes glowed. “I know it now.”
He was awestruck, which made it difficult for him to speak. “You returned.”
“Yes.” The knowing smile on her face said she knew what he’d been thinking. “Thank you for the fire.”
Gideon closed his eyes and swallowed as relief flooded him. “You are welcome, Amara. You will always be welcome. My fire is yours whenever you need it. I am honored to have been the means.”
“I came down off the mountain. I will learn how to maintain the connection here, how to remember the truth of it. I want both – the flesh and the spirit. I want it all.” Her eyes locked with his. “And you.”
Gideon smiled. “We will have it all.”
**
Written in March 2010 – Published in http://www.amazon.com/Fire-Tales-Cats-Dragons-ebook/dp/B004VS35OU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1375199246&sr=8-2&keywords=jessica+heckathorn
Artwork by Sam Perez of New York, NY